Mummy Monday - Beauty blogger or mummy blogger?

I first started blogging about two and a half years ago, at the time a lot of my content was to do with mum life and a little bit of beauty on the side. My son was about 8 months old at the time and I just felt like I needed an outlet to share my thoughts and try and rediscover my voice. As much as I loved being a mum, I was starting to feel like I had lost my personality, at the time I was just starting to get into a routine with my son and get a bit more time to myself (not much but a bit) and I suddenly realised I didn’t even know what I liked anymore, I was out of touch with a lot of my friends as I couldn’t get out and about as easily as before, and I felt like everyone was having this fun amazing time and I was at home changing nappies and just trying to survive each day. I also had really bad post natal anxiety, I have always suffered with anxiety, it gets worse when I’m going through stressful times in my life, but after I had my son I think the combination of post pregnancy hormones and the massive change to my life just totally knocked me for six! I was having anxiety attacks, I’d obsess and worry about everything, cry over the smallest thing and just literally live for my husband coming home from work each day. I felt a bit lost and very isolated. Thank God for my mum and husband, because between them they helped me to stay focused and eventually, I felt the mist of anxiety and depression lifting off me and I started to want to get back to my old self again, and that’s when I started blogging.

For a while I really enjoyed it, just ranting about mum life or whatever was on my mind, but then I started to feel like it wasn’t really right for me. I enjoy reading other mummy blogs and following mummy bloggers on Instagram, but for me, something didn’t feel right about sharing so much with people. I love the honesty of the mum bloggers I follow, it makes me feel less alone and like there are women out there who’s lives aren’t perfect either, who are doing their best and doing what they can to get by just like me. But, with my own blog, I just felt really vulnerable and self-conscious, and I didn’t want to talk about my kids and husband all the time. I actually got rid of all my old posts and started again. I wanted my blog to be more of an escape and a place where I could be creative rather than a space to vent about mum life, although I did want to share a bit now and then. So, I started focusing more on beauty and make up.

Before I had kids I used to always have my make up and nails done, I'd always get compliments on my make up and asked how I got my make up to look like that and what products I was using etc. So I knew, beauty was something I could get into, but I was rusty .. so this year I went to make up school for a crash course just to give myself a little confidence boost, and I loved it. Lately, I’ve been kind of feeling like I don’t know where I fit in though, and this might be something other mums can relate to. I just feel like, when you’re a mum you’re expected to be a certain way. Like people might look at me like why don’t I have anything better to do than talk about make-up. Basically, I feel like most mums won’t be interested in the beauty content, because it might come across as superficial, and the beauty followers wouldn’t be interested in the content relating to being a mum because they just want to see glammed up pictures. As much as I really enjoy doing the makeup posts, I am a mum of two, so the kids are 100% my life and take up almost every minute of my day, so not to mention them or include posts about being a parent at all feels wrong as well, because I’m not a carefree young girl who just spends all her money and time on makeup and beauty products and practices creating looks all day. It feels like I’m not being genuine if I don’t share that part of my life, even if I don’t feel comfortable sharing too much. I’m definitely not raw and 'warts and all' like other mum bloggers and I am far from being super glam and polished like a lot of the beauty bloggers I see (I totally wish was I was though!) I’m just in this space in between, and am trying to figure it out. I know none of this is really that important, but it’s just something I’ve been thinking about. When you become a mum, you feel like you can’t really be yourself anymore, or you feel like you are being judged for doing certain things because you’re a mum and you should have better/ more important things to do or talk about, you know? I know this was a bit of a random blog, but maybe someone will be able to relate to it...